ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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