Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
