so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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