I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
