How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
