i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
