Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
