This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
