In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
