Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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