Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
