Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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