Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
