either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
