Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
