i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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