who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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