I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
