Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
