i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
