He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
