everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Please don't give away my fajitas
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
