i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
