I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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