i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
