eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
