I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just gargled with NyQuil
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
