you traded sex for a burrito?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize