Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
