Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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