I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
