listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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