I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
