bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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