If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
