why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Houston, we have a blender
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
