She's JV to your varsity
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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