nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
