i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
