My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
