I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just cropdusted the office
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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