Already got asked if we're dating
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
