so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I want her autograph on my taint
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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