I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
