No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
