Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She said her name was "party"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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