I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
