Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
