Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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