I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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