i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
