u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
