I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
