I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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