dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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