I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
