operation have a gay friend backfired
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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