what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Hippo gnu deer
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
