i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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