I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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