I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
