so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
