Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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