Already got asked if we're dating
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize