I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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