I want to make a zoo with you.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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