So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
